ФЭНДОМ


Transcript Это копия протокола эпизода «Повесть о двух Стэнах». Не стесняйтесь править или добавлять что-то в эту страницу, если информация поступает непосредственно из эпизода.
Предыдущий: «Не тот, кем кажется» Следующий: «Подземелья, подземелья и ещё больше подземелий»
Эпизод начинается со стоящей на Пляже Битых Стёкол птицы. Затем птица убегает, и мимо пробегают Стэн и Форд Пайнсы в возрасте детей.
Форд Хехехехехе! Подожди!
Стэн Давай догоняй!
Форд Ну и догоню! (Подбегает к пещере, заколоченной досками) Ух ты!
Стэн Круто!
Форд Закрытая секретная пещера! Там могут быть доисторические животные или ацтекское золото!
Стэн Девочки вперёд!
Форд и Стэн (Бьют друг друга и смеются)
Форд (Пытается оторвать приколоченную доску, но падает и отходит назад)
Стэн Ты думаешь, что ты у нас типа умный, ботаник? А у меня есть другое. Как называется? Точняк. Сила! (Бьёт по деревяшкам и они ломаются, а в его пальцы впиваются занозы) Крутяк, занозы!
Форд (Светит фонариком внутрь пещеры) Вот это да! Здесь довольно страшно.
Стэн (Входит в пещеру) Спокойно, брат. В любое место мы пойдём вместе. Напиши наши имена, чтобы все знали, чья пещера!
Форд (Пишет на стене маркером:) Стэнли и Стэнфорд Пайнсы.
Стэн и Форд (Уходят из пещеры, скандируя:) Пайнсы! Пайнсы! Пайнсы! Пайнсы!
Начинается Заставка. Камера перемещается на Хижину Чудес в тумане.
Стэн Наконец, после стольких долгих лет, ты вернулся сюда! Брат мой!
Форд (Бьёт Стэна в лицо)
Стэн Ой! Оу! За что ты мне сейчас врезал?
Форд Рискованно и абсолютно глупо было снова включать портал! Ты не читал инструкции?
Стэн Кому они нужны? Лучше бы поблагодарил за то, что я тебя спас из этого, как оно там называется, "Другого Измерения"!
Форд Благодарить? То есть, за то, что ты сделал тридцать лет назад, я должен сказать спасибо?!
Стэн Что Я сделал? Ах ты, неблагодарный! (Пытается ударить Форда, но он уворачивается и берёт Стэна в захват) Не жди, что я буду поддаваться из-за того, что мы... Братья. (Форд бросает его на землю) Ай!
Мэйбл Пайнс Стоп, Здрасте. Меня зовут Мэйбл. Хочу спросить, ЧТО ЗА ЕРУНДА ЗДЕСЬ ПРОИСХОДИТ?
Форд Стэн, почему ты не сказал, что тут есть дети? И какой-то большой, лысый суслик?
Сус Рамирез Хе-хе-хе... Мне не привыкать.
Стэн Это наша родня, ботаник. Внучатые племянники!
Форд Я... Значит у меня есть внуки? (Пожимает Мэйбл руку) Здрасьте! Дети ещё говорят "Здрасьте?" Я очень давно не был в этом измерении.
Мэйбл Ого, у вас целых шесть пальцев! Рукопожатие на целый палец крепче.
Форд Хе-ха. Ты мне нравишься. Чудачка!
Диппер Пайнс Я.. Я не могу поверить! Вы тот самый автор дневников!
Форд Ты читал дневники?
Диппер Я... Да я не просто их читал! Я их изучал! (Ходит по кругу) Я давно хотел с вами встретится! (Разводит руками) Не знаю, что сказать! У меня столько вопросов! (Тяжело дышит и держится за голову) Аааа! Ме-меня сейчас стошнит! (Подбегает Мэйбл и хлопает ему по спине) УМГ... Нет-нет, пронесло. Надо потерпеть.
Форд Так, дети, знакомится мы будем позже. (Хмурится и указывает пальцем на Стэна) Сначала, скажи, Стэн, ты нигде не засветился? Или... Кто-то ещё знает о портале?
Стэн Только мы знаем... Но и ещё правительство Соединённых штатов.
Форд КТО-КТО?!
Agent Powers (Видно на камере наблюдения:) Так бойцы! Всем искать, пока не найдёте Стэна Пайнса и двух детей!
Форд (Вздыхает) Ладно. Ничего. Какое-то время они нас не найдут. Нам нужно затаиться и придумать хороший план. (Открывает дневник и пишет)
Мэйбл Получается, мы тут надолго застряли... Может расскажете уже вашу "загадочную историю"?
Форд Да, у меня кстати тоже накопились вопросы, Стэнли.
Диппер Стэнли?
Мэйбл Но, тебя же зовут Стэнфорд?
Форд Ты присвоил моё имя? Ты чем тут вообще занимался, глупец?
Диппер Да , дядя Стэн , хватит уже врать. Нам нужны ответы : откуда взялся портал , и ты об этом скрывал?
Мэйбл И какая история вышла со своим братом?
Сус Надеюсь , она полностью совпадает с моим фанфиком. Если нет , то я буду разочарован!
Стэн Okay okay okay, I have a lot of explaining to do. It all started... a lifetime ago... nineteen sixty something. Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey. (Cut to a seagull landing on a sign that says "GLASS SHARD BEACH-HOME OF GLASS SHARD WATER TOFFEE" and coughing up a bottlecap) I lived with my ma and pa in the Lead Paint District in the family pawn shop. (Cut to Stan's father sitting down in a chair) Dad was a strict man. Tough as a cinderblock and not easily impressed.
Филбрик Пайнс Я не впечатлён.
Стэн Ma was a pathological liar, which served her well as a phone psychic.
Ма Пайнс (To someone on phone:) That'll be 99 cents an hour.... No, you're overpriced.... Yeah, I predicted you were gonna hang up.
Стэн (Cut to Ford as a child reading in the top bunk of a bed) And then there was my twin brother, Stanford. As if his abnormally high IQ wasn't enough, he also had a rare birth defect: (Cut to an X-ray of Stanford's hands, with the extra pinkies circled and the word "abnormality" written above) six fingers on each hand. (Cut to Ford drawing in a notebook) Which might have explained his obsession with sci-fi mystery weirdness. (Cut to Stan as a child with a bucket on his head running into a wall) As for me, I had what mom liked to call: personality. (In the flashback, Stan throws the bucket off his head and the twins laugh and run off.) But as different as we were, we were the perfect team. (Cut to the twins walking around in a cave) And every day we'd wander the beach, looking for adventure. (In the flashback:) Whoooaa...
Форд (In the flashback:) A shipwrecked sailboat, possibly haunted by pirate ghosts!
Стэн This is the greatest thing I've ever seen! And I've once seen a dead rat floatin' in a bucket!
Форд (Pushes him) Hahaha, ew, what's wrong with you?
Стэн Huh, you know what this thing's missin'?
Форд Flags.
Cut to the twins pushing the boat, which has their shirts hanging off the masts, down the beach. They are both badly sunburned.
Форд и Стэн Kings of New Jersey! Kings of New Jersey! Kings of New Jersey!
Форд (Kneeling in front of the boat which has "STAN O' WAR" painted on its side) I dub thee: the Stan O' War! (Gets hit in the head by a small rock) Ow! What the heck? (Glares at three children standing nearby)
Крампелтер Well, well, if it ain't the loser twins. Nice boat. Ya get it at the dump? Heheheheheheheh! (high fives his two friends)
Стэн You would know, Crampelter! Get lost!
Крампелтер Listen, dorks, and listen good. (Pointing at Ford) You're a six-fingered freak, (Pointing at Stan) and you're just a... dumber, sweatier version o' him. And you're lucky you have each other because neither of you will ever make any friends! (Leaves with his friends) Ha, hahahaha! Dorks and losers...
Форд (Looking at his hand)
Стэн Hey. Don't let those idiots get to you.
Форд But I am a freak. I just wonder if there's anywhere in the world where weirdos like me fit in.
Стэн Hey, chin up, buddy. Look. (He and Ford look at the sea) One of these days, you and me are gonna sail away from this dumb town. We'll hunt for treasure, get all the girls, and be an unstoppable team of adventurers.
Форд You really mean it?
Стэн High six?
Форд High six. ("High sixes" him)
Стэн (Voice-over from the present:) Those were the good times. Those bullies may have been right about us not making many friends, but when push comes to shove, you only really need one. (In the flashback, Ford is solving a math problem on a chalkboard while Stan draws a monster-caricature of his school mistress. She hits him on the head with a ruler. Cut to the twins a few years later sitting on the boat. Cut to a few years later, when Ford is at a party laughing nervously at an angry girl, who pours her drink on him. Stan walks over and pours his drink on himself.) Ford's brains seemed to get more impressive every year. So did our pet project. (He and Ford are putting a sail on their boat; cut to Stan in class blowing a paper through a straw at a student next to him, then leaning over and copying off of Ford) Sure I got in more than my fair share of trouble, but when your brother's the smartest kid in school, you've always got a leg up on the competition. (Cut to Ford winning a science fair, and then Stan comes over and puts his arm around him) The future was lookin' bright. For both of us. Till one day... (Cut to Stan eating Toffee Peanuts in class while Ford writes something)
Ма Пайнс (Over PA:) Pines twins to the principal's office. Pines twins to the principal's office.
Стэн Ah, great, what is it this time?
Cut Ford and Stan starting to go into the principal's office. A woman at her desk stops them.
Женщина (To Stan:) Not you; him.
Стэн (Sits in chair) Uh.
Форд (Walks into the office, sees that his parents are there and sits in the chair between them)
Директор Now, Mr. Pines, I'd like to speak with you very frankly if I may.
Филбрик Пайнс Very frankly is the only way I speak.
Директор You have two sons: one of them is incredibly gifted, the other one is standing outside of this room and his name's Stanley.
Ма Пайнс What are you saying?
Директор I'm saying your son, Stanford, is a GENIUS! All his teachers are going bananas over his science fair experiment! (Gives Ford a pamphlet) Ya ever heard of West Coast Tech? Best College in the country. Their graduates turn science fiction into science FACT! The admissions team is visiting tomorrow to check out Stanford's experiment. Your son may be a future millionare, Mr. Pines.
Филбрик Пайнс Я не впечатлён.
Ма Пайнс But what about our little free spirit, Stanley?
Директор That clown? At this rate he'll be lucky to graduate high school. Look, there's a saltwater taffy store on the dock. And somebody's gotta get paid to scrape the barnacles off of it. Stanford's goin' places. But hey, look on the bright side: at least you'll have one son here in New Jersey forever.
Стэн (Sits down sadly outside the door; cut to Ford and Stan on the swings) Heh. Joke's on them if they think you wanna go to some stuffy college on the other side of the country. Once we get the Stan O' War complete, it's gonna be beaches, babes, and international treasure hunting for us.
Форд Look, Stan, I can't pass up a chance like this. This school has cutting edge programs and multi-dimensional paradigm theory.
Стэн Beep boop. I am a nerd robot. That's you. That's what you sound like.
Форд Heheh. Ah, well, if the college board isn't impressed with my experiment tomorrow, then okay, I'll do the treasure-hunting thing.
Стэн And if they are?
Форд (Punches him) Well then, I guess you better come visit me on the other side of the country. Haha. (Walks away)
Стэн (Voice-over from the present:) Without Ford I was just half of a dynamic duo. I couldn't make it without him. (Cut to Stan walking through the science experiments at the school at night.) And now, thanks to that dumb college, I was gonna lose my brother forever. (In the flashback, Stan stops at Ford's experiment. In the flashback:) This is all your fault, ya dumb machine! (Punches the table and a piece comes off the machine) Oh no. Oh no no, what did I do? (Puts the piece back on) There. Alright. Good as new. Probably. (Puts the tarp back on and leaves; cut to Ford in front of the tarp the next morning with the college board)
Мужчина Alright, kid. Show us what ya got.
Форд Okay! Well, what if I told you that the future of technology was beneath this sheet? (Pulls tarp off)
Мужчина I'd say that we wasted a car trip.
Форд What? (lLoks at machine, which isn't moving) But it was stable yesterday! A fuse must have blown or something.
Мужчина (Crosses "Stanford Pines" off of a list of names) Kid, a perpetual motion machine has one job: to not stop. I don't think you're West Coast Tech material. (Leads the other college board members away)
Форд No, wait! Don't go! I worked so hard! (Steps on an empty Toffee Peanuts bag, picks it up and growls)
Стэн (Cut to their house; he is sitting on a couch playing with a paddleball) One-paddle-paddle-paddle, two-paddle-paddle. Man, that Jackie-O, what a fox. (Ford enters) Hey, what's the word, Sixer?
Форд (Holds up Toffee Peanuts bag) Can you explain what this was doing next to my broken project?!
Стэн Ho-okay. I might have accidentally been, horsing around-
Форд This was no accident, Stan; you did this! You did this because you couldn't handle me going to college on my own!
Стэн Look, this was a mistake! Although if you think about it, maybe there's a silver lining. Huh? Treasure hunting?
Форд Are you kidding me? Why would I want to do anything with the person who sabotaged my entire future?! (Shoves Stan onto the couch)
Филбрик Пайнс (Picks up Stanley by his shirt) You did what, you knucklehead?
Ма Пайнс (Comes out of a room with a crying baby) Stanley? What's goin' on in here?
Стэн Wait, no, I can explain; it was a mistake!
Филбрик Пайнс (Throws Stan outside) You ignoramus! Your brother was gonna be our ticket out of this dump! All you ever do is lie and cheat right on your brother's coattails. Well this time you cost our family potential millions! And until you make us a fortune, you aren't welcome in this household. (Throws a duffel bag at him)
Стэн What?! Stanford, tell him he's bein' crazy! (Ford , who was watching out his window, closes his curtains) Stanford? Don't leave me hangin'. High six? (Filbrick slams the door) Fine. I can make it on my own! I don't need you! I don't need anyone! I'll make millions and you'll rue the day you turned your back on me! (Gets in his car and drives away; voice-over from the present:) Thanks to one dumb mistake I had no brother, no home, no nothing. But I had a plan to fix everything.
Cut back to the present.
Мэйбл Oh! This story's so sad! I know what you two little broken teacups need: to hug it out! Hug it out! Hug train's comin' in the station. HUGAPOLOOZA! TWO THOUSAND!
Стэн Kid, will ya knock that off? I'm tryin' to tell my life story here. (Cut to Stan as a young man with a metal detector on the beach) I had decided I wasn't gonna show my face at home until I made something of myself. Unfortunately, the treasure-hunting business was slow going. Apparently gold was some kind of... rare metal. (In the flashback, Stan sees a billboard advertising the traveling salesman lifestyle and throws his metal detector away) Luckily I struck a different kind of gold.... in sales. (Cut to Stan in a commercial; in commercial:) Hi! I'm Stan Pines of Stan Co. Enterprises. Are sick of this always happening to you? (A pitcher of juice is thrown at him, getting juice all over him) Then you need the Shammy of the future! (Begins to wipe himself off, then the commercial skips ahead to him completely clean) Made with the same material astronauts use to clean up cranberry stains on the moon! That's the Sham Total! It's a total sham. (Voice-over from the present:) I had made my mark, all right. Unfortunately, so did the Shammies. (Cut to a woman using a Sham Total to clean a robe, but the blue dye from the Shammy leaks onto it.) Apparently the cheap dye I used to color them only made stains worse. (Cut to an angry mob) Customers went crazy about that. Fortunately they were using Stan Co. brand pitchforks. (The mob's pitchforks break; Stanley drives by them in his car; in flashback:) SUCKERS! (Voice-over from present:) I was officially banned from New Jersey, but with a quick name change, Steve Pinington was ready to take on Pennsylvania. (In another commercial:) Hi! I'm Steve Pinington! (Pulls at Band-aid on his arm) Are you sick of bandages that are hard to remove? Then what you need is the Rip Off! The Rip Off won't give you rashes, I repeat: it won't give you rashes. (The words "IT WON'T GIVE YOU RASHES" appears on the screen; voice-over from present as angry mob with rashes chases Stanley out of Pennsylvania:) It gave ya rashes. (Cut to a map of USA with a line moving around it) I traveled the whole country, sometimes outside of it, always one step ahead of the law, looking for something that would be my big break.
Cut back to the present.
Мэйбл Whoa. So that explains all the fake IDs.
Диппер (To Ford:) But, wait, what about you? Did you end up going to your dream school?
Форд Not exactly. (Cut back to the past, on the auditorium of Backupsmore University)
Спикер (Standing at podium) Alright, I know Backupsmore wasn't anyone's first choice, but what we lack in prestige, we make up for in mostly bug-free dorms! I'm sure your families are proud, more or less.
Форд (Sitting in the audience, looks at a picture of his family; cut to him studying in his dorm; voice-over from the present:) In a place like that, I had to work twice as hard. Luckily, that's what I do best. I went from undergrad to PhD three years ahead of schedule, wrote a thesis that was nationally ranked, and was awarded an enormous grant for my own scientific research! But what to study. (Cut to Ford looking at his hand, then at a book about anomalies) My whole life I'd been teased for my six fingers. But that got my thinking about anomalies: things that were odd, unusual, statistically improbable. And according to my investigations, there was one place with a higher concentration of these things than anywhere else. (Cut to Ford standing in front of a map of USA with dots marked on it, most of which are in Oregon. Ford circles Oregon) A small lumber town in roadkill country, Oregon: Gravity Falls.
Стэн (in a flashback, marks Xs on a map of USA titles "STATES I'M BANNED IN"; Voice-over from present:) Meanwhile, your old uncle Stan was doing great. I had come up with a sophisticated new business strategy. (In the flashback, picks up a lottery card and begins scratching some circles off with a coin, in flashback:) Come on, owl... (scratches another owl) owl... (Scratches a football player with an omelet) football player with an omelet!? Gah! (Crumples the card up and throws it against the window; voice-over from present:) I was in great shape, living on my own, and the best part was: I didn't need help from nobody. (Cut to him in the flashback dialing a number at a payphone)
Форд (In flashback, over phone:) Hello? This is Stanford Pines.
Стэн (Hangs up phone and sighs)
Форд (Driving into Gravity Falls; voice-over from the present:) I was heading out on my own as well. (Standing in front of the Mystery Shack being constructed) I set to work using my grant money to investigate the strange properties of this town, but what would I find here? (A giant hand grabs his car) Bingo. I began to investigate at once. (Cut to him setting a Journal on a table, tracing his hand, pasting the trace on the Journal, and writing "1" on it) I knew I'd have to record my findings. I began to keep a journal...
Диппер (Screams) THE JOURNALS!!!
Cut back to the present. Everyone is staring at Dipper.
Диппер Sorry, sorry, (Clears throat) just got excited there... About the journals... Keep-keep talking.
Форд I began to keep a Journal...
Диппер (Screams)
Форд Just going to ignore that. There were anomalies everywhere. And the more I looked, the more I saw. (Cut to him as a young man catching Eye-Bats and putting them into a jar, then recording it in his Journal; the Shape Shifter hatches in front of him, then immediately turns into a cup. Stanford writes in his journal about the "floating cliffs". Cut to him and a gnome that looks like Schmebulock; in flashback:) Fascinating, what did you say your name was?
Шмебьюлок Старший Schmebulock... Senior.
Форд (Writes in in journal 3 and looks at cover; voice-over from present:) It was finally a place where I felt at home, but something nagged at me: where did it all come from? It seemed to me the answer must come from outside of our world, a dimension of weirdness leaking into ours. I realized the only way to understand Gravity Falls would be to build a gateway: a portal to the source of its weirdness. (In the flashback, is drawing the portal map in the journals) But I couldn't make it alone. I decided to call up my old college buddy, Fiddleford McGucket, a young but brilliant mechanic, who was wasting his talent trying to make personal computers in some garage in Palo Alto. (Cut to McGucket's garage full of computers, where he is playing a banjo when the phone rings. He picks it up)
МакГакет Hello? Fiddleford Computermajigs?.. You say you're tryin' to build a transuniversal polydimensional metavortex? Well that's mathematically feasible! I reckon. (Spits)
Форд (Cut to Ford and McGucket working on the portal, when the power surges) Many long nights were spent perfecting the machine. It would be a crowning achievement of my studies. An answer to the source of this town's anomalies.
Мать Тайлера (To Tyler Cutebiker, who is on a bike:) Git out, git out, git out! (The two hurriedly leave the area)
Форд (He and McGucket carry a dummy to the portal) The time had come to test it. (In flashback:) Ready, and... (They release the dummy, but a rope from it catches McGucket and he flies toward the portal, screaming) What? (Grabs the rope and holds him, back but McGucket's head is in the portal) I got ya, buddy! (pulls the rope and McGucket and the dummy come out of the portal; to McGucket:) What is it? Is it working? What did you see?!
МакГакет Ahh! VOTMZRIG IVSKRX OORY.
Форд Fiddleford?
МакГакет When Gravity Falls and earth becomes sky, fear the beast with just one eye.
Форд Fiddleford, get a hold of yourself, you're not making any sense. (Puts his hand on McGucket's shoulder)
МакГакет (Jerks away) This machine is dangerous. You'll bring about the end of the world with this. Destroy it before it destroys us all!
Форд I can't destroy this; it's my life's work!
МакГакет I fear we've unleashed a grave danger on the world. One I'd just as soon forget. I quit! (Walks away)
Форд Fine! I'll do it without you! I don't need you! I don't need anyone! (A whispering sound is heard) What? Who said that? (Backs into a wall; voice-over from the present:) I was in over my head, and feared I was losing my sanity. I needed help. Someone I could trust.
Стэн (Cut to him in his apartment when he hears knocking. Grabs baseball bat) Just give me a few more days, Rico! I'll pay your goons back, I swear! (A Gravity Falls postcard comes through his mail slot. He looks out and sees the post man leaving. He looks at the postcard which says "PLEASE COME! -FORD. Cut to him walking up to Ford's door) You haven't seen your brother in over ten years. It's okay. He's family. He won't bite. (Knocks)
Форд (Opens door) Who is it?! Have you come to steal my eyes?! (Points crossbow)
Стэн Well, I can always count on you for a warm welcome.
Форд Stanley, did anyone follow you? Anyone at all?
Стэн Eh, hello to you, too, pal. (As Ford grabs him and pulls him inside) Ah!
Форд (Shines flashlight in Stan's eyes)
Стэн (Pushes him away) Ah! Hey! What is this?
Форд Sorry, I just had to make sure you weren't... uh, it's nothing. Come in, come in. (Darts away)
Стэн (Following him) Uh, you gonna explain what's going on, here? You're acting like Mom after her tenth cup of coffee.
Форд (Holding Journal 1) Listen, there isn't must time. I've made huge mistakes and I don't know who I can trust anymore. (Turns the head of a skeleton away from him)
Стэн Hey, uh, easy there. Let's talk this through, okay?
Форд I have something to show you. Something you won't believe.
Стэн Look, I've been around the world, okay? Whatever it is, I'll understand. (Standing in the portal room) There is nothing about this I understand.
Форд It's a trans-universal gateway, a punched hole through a weak spot in our dimension. I created it to unlock the mysteries of the universe. But it could just as easily be harnessed for terrible destruction. That's why I shut it down and hid my journals, which explained how to operate it. There's only one journal left. And you are the only person I can trust to take it. (Gives Stan the journal) I have something to ask of you: you remember our plans to sail around the world on a boat? Take this book, get on a boat, and sail as far away as ya can! To the edge of the Earth! Bury it where no one can find it!
Стэн That's it?! You finally wanna see me after ten years, and it's to tell me to get as far away from you as possible!?
Форд Stanley, you don't understand what I'm up against! What I've been through!
Стэн No, no. You don't understand what I've been through! I've been to prison in three different countries! I once had to chew my way out of the trunk of a car! You think you've got problems? I've got a mullet, Stanford! Meanwhile, where have you been? Living it up in your fancy house in the woods! Selfishly hoarding your college money, because you only care about yourself.
Форд I'm selfish? I'm selfish, Stanley? How can you say that after costing me my dream school?! I'm giving you a chance to do the first worthwhile thing in your life and you won't even listen!
Стэн Well, listen to this: you want me to get rid of this book? Fine, I'll get rid of it right now! (Takes out lighter)
Форд No! (Grabs the journal) You don't understand!
Стэн (Takes it back) You said you wanted me to have it so I'll do what I want with it!
Форд My research! (Tackles Stan, then runs for the journal, but Stan trips him. Ford runs after him) Stanley, give it back! (Pushes him onto some of the buttons)
Стэн You want it back, you're gonna have to try harder than that!
The portal turns on.
Стэн (Trying to pull the journal away from Ford) You left me behind, you jerk! It was supposed to be us forever, you ruined my life!
Форд You ruined your own life! (Kicks him into the side of the control panel, branding the symbol onto his back. Stan screams and falls to the floor) Stanley! Oh my gosh I'm so sorry! Are you alr-
Stan punches Ford, who stumbles backward and trips over the lever. Stan follows him.
Стэн Some brother you turned out to be. You care more about your dumb mysteries than your family? Well then YOU CAN HAVE 'EM. (Shoves Ford back into the portal light, and he starts getting sucked into it) Whoa, whoa, hey, what's going on? Hey, hey, Stanford-
Форд Stanley! Stanley, help me!
Стэн Oh, no, what do I do?!!
Форд Stanley! Stanley! Do something! STANLEY! (Throws Journal 1 at Stan and disappears into the portal)
A flash of white engulfs everything. When it fades, Stan is lying on the floor.
Стэн Stanford?
Ford's glasses fall onto the floor.
Стэн (Runs to the portal) Stanford, come back! I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT! (Pounds on the side of the portal)
The portal turns off.
Стэн (Runs to the lever and tries to pull it to no avail) I just got him back! I can't lose him again! Ah, come on! STANFORD! (Echoes into the portal; voice-over from the present:) I'd lost him. I didn't know if he was dead or alive in some distant galaxy, but I knew his journal must have the answer to getting him back. Somehow. (Flips to the back of Journal 1, where it says "continued in journal #2"; cut to Stan laying on the couch with Journal 1 and Ford's glasses at night) I didn't get much sleep that night. (Looks at the glasses) Or the night after that. (Cut to Stan with the lever and a screwdriver) I tried for weeks to turn that dumb machine back on. But without the other two journals (The machine emits a few sparks, then dies) it was hopeless. (Cut to Stan walking down the street) Finally I ran out of food. I had no choice but to go into town. (Walks into the Dusk 2 Dawn; cut to him with a loaf of bread at the cash register)
Ма Даскертон Just the bread, then, there, stranger? That'll be 99 cents.
Стэн (Looks into his pockets and pulls out a packet of sugar, a paper clip and a peso)
Ленивая Сьюзан Hey, that's no stranger. That must be the mysterious science guy that lives in the woods!
A crowd gathers.
Стэн (In flashback:) Uh, n-no, no. You've got the wrong guy. (Pulls his hood tighter)
Тоби Решительный I've heard strange stories about that old shack.
Дэрил Блабс Yeah! Mysterious lights and spooky experiments.
Pa Gosh, I'd pay anything to see what kind of shenanigans you get up to in there.
Сьюзан Oh, me too! Do you ever give any tours?
Стэн No. Really I- (Looks at hand, then sighs) Yes, I do give tours! Ten... nah-no... fifteen bucks a person!
Crowd cheers and holds up money.
Ленивая Сьюзан Sir! What did you say your name was, you man of mystery?
Стэн Oh, uh, Stan...ford. Stanford Pines. (Cut to Stan leading a tour into the house) Step right up, folks, uh, to a world of... enchantment, or whatever. (With a box with a dial and two antennae on it) Behold, the um, nerdy science box.
Ленивая Сьюзан (Looks at it and it burns her eye) Ah! My eye!
Стэн Uh, I can assure you, that is in no way permanent.
Ленивая Сьюзан I paid fifteen dollars for this!?
Crowd begins muttering.
Стэн Uhh... (Grabs the skeleton and some clothing) You're lucky you weren't part of the last tour group, um, (Shows them the skeleton, which he has dressed as a tourist) they never made it out aliiiivve. Heheh. Right?
The crowd laughs.
Ленивая Сьюзан That's funny.
Стэн (Montage of Stan putting up signs, making attractions, selling merchandise. Voice-over from the present:) So I came up with a plan. I couldn't leave my brother's house until I figured out how to save him, but I needed to pay his mortgage somehow. For once in my life, people were actually buying what I was selling. And so the Murder Hut was born! Later renamed the Mystery Shack. Finally I found something I was good at. For once being a liar and a cheat paid off. The old me was dead, and I'd faked a car crash to prove it. By day I was Stanford Pines: Mr. Mystery. But by night I was down in the basement, trying to bring the real Stanford back. (Cut to Stan seeing a tour out, then going into the basement and looking at the portal. Cut back to the present) I couldn't risk anyone learning the truth and sabotaging my mission, so I lied to everyone: the town, my family, your parents, even you kids.
Диппер So all this time you were just trying to save your brother. Grunkle Stan, I'm so sorry I didn't believe you.
Стэн That's okay, kid. I probably wouldn't have believed me either.
Agent (From upstairs:) I heard talking! It was coming from downstairs!
Стэн Oh no, it's too late, the agents are comin' for us!
Мэйбл What do we do?!
Сус Aw, man. I was so spellbound by your dramatic tale I forgot all about those dudes.
Диппер Wait, forget. That's it! I think I know a way we might be able to defeat those agents! (Takes a Memory erasing gun out of a bag and gives it to Stanford)
Форд Of course! I don't know how you got a hold of one of these but, this is perfect! If I can just amplify the signal to a radio headset frequency... (Plugs some wires into the gun and looks through some viewing glasses to see the agents running into the shack) There. Now everyone PLUG YOUR EARS! GET DOWN! NOW!
Everyone crouches and plugs their ears. Cut to Agent Powers and Trigger at the doorway.
Agent Trigger Sir! Looks like there's a hidden door behind the vending machine!
Powers Excellent! Get me Washington on Line 1! I've been practicing sounds of excitement for this very occasion. Hey, do you hear that?
A wave pulses through the shack and yard.
Powers What? Where am I? Why am I standing in front of some sort of goofy fun knick-knack house?
Форд (Comes to the porch) Stand down, gentlemen! I've been sent with the latest intel from Washington. (flipping through some of Mabel's drawings) According to this very real report, the power surges in Gravity Falls were actually due to radiation from an unreported meteor shower. A total embarrassment for your whole department. Luckily I'm here to take this mess off your hands, but I'll need of all your... floppy disks, and 8-tracks...right?
Powers Uh, everything about this case is contained on this drive.
Trigger (Hands Ford a flash drive labeled "PINES")
Форд Well, what are you waiting for, a kiss on the cheek? Get out of here before I have your butts court-martialed!
Powers Uhh, yes sir. Apologies, sir. (whistles) False alarm, everyone! (Trips on his way back to the car)
The government agents all leave. Ford gives Gompers the flash drive, and the goat runs away with it in his mouth.
Мэйбл (Runs out with Dipper) Great uncle Stanford, that was amazing!
Стэн (Follows with Soos) Let's not go crazy; it was serviceable.
Форд (Chuckles) Thank you, kids, but please, call me Ford.
Диппер Sure! Thanks, Great Uncle Ford. So, uh, (Holds up a pen and notepad and clicks pen excitedly) would you mind if I ask you a couple billion questions about Gravity Falls?
Форд Um, well I-uh...
Стэн All right, kids, it's been a long day and me and my brother have a lot to talk about. Why don't you hit the hay, huh?
Диппер But, it's the author! (Clicks pen rapidly) I've been waiting so long to ask questions about-
Стэн (Grabs Dipper and Mabel's heads and pushes them away) I said. Hit. The hay!
Сус I'll just... let myself out. (Sidesteps away, and when he's out of sight the beeping of a phone can be heard; Offscreen:) Wendy, I've got something amazing to tell you. Clear the next fourteen hours!
Cut to night. Stan and Ford are looking at themselves in the mirror.
Стэн Look at us. When did we become old men?
Форд You look like Dad.
Стэн Ugh, uck, don't say that.
Форд and Stan (Laugh)
Форд (Sighs) Okay, Stanley, here's the deal. You can stay here the rest of the summer to watch the kids. I'll stay down in the basement and try to contain any remaining damage. But when the summer's over, you give me my house back, you give me my name back, and this Mystery Shack junk is over forever. You got it?
Стэн You really aren't gonna thank me, are you? (Beat) Fine. On one condition: you stay away from the kids; I don't want them in danger. Cause as far as I'm concerned, they're the only family I have left. (Walks upstairs, stops, starts to look back, then keeps walking)
Cut to Dipper and Mabel in their room. Mabel is standing by the door.
Мэйбл Did you hear what they said? I think Grunkle Ford said they're gonna buy us puppies made of ice cream. Might be wishful thinking, though.
Диппер I don't know if this is good or bad. I wanted to meet the author, but...
Мэйбл (Sits on her bed) Yeah. I liked the way things were here before. Just us and Stan and the occasional goblin-monster.
Диппер Eh, I'm sure they'll work things out.
Мэйбл Dipper, you don't think we'll turn out like Stan and Ford, do you?
Диппер Well. What do you mean?
Мэйбл (Lays down) I mean, they used to be best friends, but then they got all stupid. Can you promise me you won't get stupid?
Диппер I'm not stupider than you, dum-dum.
Мэйбл (Laughs) Good night, stupid.
Диппер Good night, stupid. (Turns light off and closes eyes)
Мэйбл (Looks up nervously)
End credits: Wendy is sitting up in her bed at 3 in the morning with Soos on the phone.
Сус Okay, okay, so it turns out that the second Stan, the Stan that, we know, was actually, Stanley but the first Stan, was Stanford, but we didn't know, until, that Stanford came out of the portal, which was built by Stanford, but then Stanley pretended to be Stanford, he, did the portal, cause he's Stan, but he's not Stan.
Wendy Corduroy Сус , сейчас 3 ночи.
Сус Да-да , часть вторая , Стэн рассказывал...
Wendy (Падает на подушку)
End

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